happy birthday, syrus!

Two years ago today, my baby Syrus was born. It was a rainy night in February and he surprised us all by arriving a month early on opening night of the musical I was directing. And though my life was deeply changed that evening when all four pounds of him came into the world, I had no idea just how much it would change till I learned that he had an extra chromosome in his genes. That extra chromosome rocked me, grieved me, and eventually would delight me as I began to see who Syrus would become and who I would become because of him. So, today, I have a message for my little Syrus who is not so little anymore.

Syrus, my sweet sweet son, I love you more than you will ever know. You have moved me and loved me in ways I had never experienced before. You have loved off so much of my hard exterior and showed me what it means to be less controlling and more vulnerable, less bossy and more compassionate, less anxious and more hopeful. It is because of you that I have laughed louder than I ever knew I could, cried harder than I ever thought I should, and dreamed bigger than I ever felt I would. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart to a God I believed in but struggled to trust. Thank you for pushing me to live a life of faith and welcome all the mess and patience that it requires. Thank you for introducing me to your brother, Vlad, for without you, we never would have found him. Today, I want you to know that I will always love you with an intensity you will not understand. I will always push you to live a life beyond what others think you are capable. And I will always be here to laugh, cry, and hold you every step of the way. I am so proud to be your mom. Happy Birthday.