happy birthday, syrus!

Two years ago today, my baby Syrus was born. It was a rainy night in February and he surprised us all by arriving a month early on opening night of the musical I was directing. And though my life was deeply changed that evening when all four pounds of him came into the world, I had no idea just how much it would change till I learned that he had an extra chromosome in his genes. That extra chromosome rocked me, grieved me, and eventually would delight me as I began to see who Syrus would become and who I would become because of him. So, today, I have a message for my little Syrus who is not so little anymore.

Syrus, my sweet sweet son, I love you more than you will ever know. You have moved me and loved me in ways I had never experienced before. You have loved off so much of my hard exterior and showed me what it means to be less controlling and more vulnerable, less bossy and more compassionate, less anxious and more hopeful. It is because of you that I have laughed louder than I ever knew I could, cried harder than I ever thought I should, and dreamed bigger than I ever felt I would. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart to a God I believed in but struggled to trust. Thank you for pushing me to live a life of faith and welcome all the mess and patience that it requires. Thank you for introducing me to your brother, Vlad, for without you, we never would have found him. Today, I want you to know that I will always love you with an intensity you will not understand. I will always push you to live a life beyond what others think you are capable. And I will always be here to laugh, cry, and hold you every step of the way. I am so proud to be your mom. Happy Birthday.

time to travel!

WE HAVE A TRAVEL DATE!!!!

MONDAY, MARCH 14th AT 10AM we have our first appointment at the SDA in Vlad's country!

I can't believe it -- the timing and everything is just way too perfect. I am SO SO thankful that God has really been putting everything in place for us in ways that are so good for us as a family. And, did I mention that I can't wait!!!! I mean, in two and a half weeks we are going to be meeting Vlad! Just like this photo I posted months ago of him in his yellow shirt trucking along back to his seat in music class, now it's OUR turn to truck along over the ocean and finally meet him.

that smile

Just had to post this photo. The smile says it all. This was Syrus on Christmas. He was so excited, and giggly, and just plain giddy! However, I have to say that I see this face a lot on this boy. It is not rare. I hear him giggling and see that smile every day.

Then I got to thinking that I have no photos of Vlad where he is smiling. Not one. I have never seen that boy smile. I don't know what makes Vlad grin. I don't know what his laugh sounds like. I don't even know if he actually has teeth! But I'm hoping that one day, I will have his laugh memorized; I will know each and every one of his giggles; and that his smile and laughter will become a daily occurrence.

syrus and vlad

I love this kid. Syrus. Sweet and hilarious, stubborn and bossy all wrapped into one little boy. If you have never met him, here are some of the sweet and hilarious things about him

Syrus has had a cold for the last two and a half weeks. I have a little bit of that cold because when he gives kisses they are long, slobbery, and fully planted on my face.

Syrus knows what it means to "be nice" because when I tell him to do so, he makes a soft little "ahhhh" sound and slowly pets your hair.

Syrus frequently drags me to the piano to play a duet and plays his tambourine whenever an episode of GLEE is on the television.

Syrus loves to ride on his dad's shoulders, holding onto fistfuls of his dad's hair.

And Syrus is about to get a brother named Vlad from the other side of the world.

After an afternoon with Syrus, Vlad will surely know what kisses, being nice, riding on dad's shoulders, and GLEE are. Vlad has no idea what is about to come into his life. But he is about to understand what it means to be loved and bossed around by a little brother and that is going to change his world.

Syrus and Vlad. I can't wait to watch.

DOSSIER SUBMITTED!

So I guess I should probably mention that WE WERE SUBMITTED YESTERDAY!!!! I didn't find out till late last night and I am still in the "I can't believe it" phase. :) I couldn't sleep the night before and I was a wreck all day yesterday, obsessively checking my email to see if we got THE news. And nothing. So I assumed it was a big no.

Then late last night, I got on the Reece's Rainbow website to stalk everyone's statuses and blogs and see who DID get submitted. And there it was! On our family profile! In red letters! DOSSIER SUBMITTED! Go here to see it for yourself! God is SO good. Everything has just fallen into place in the last couple months and I am so grateful for all your prayers and all His grace.

Now we wait to hear our date to appear in Vlad's country! We should hear in the next week or two! Vlad, my sweetheart, here we come!!!!

Alexander has a family!

I have the BEST NEWS EVER!!!! I am SO excited to share that Alexander has a family!!!! Remember the little guy who I shared with you last week? Well, he is about to get a family and they are awesome! They will be a perfect fit for Alexander. I can't say anymore or share any details yet, but what an answer to prayer! I can't wait till that sweet smile is not just for a photo but because he is meeting his family for the first time and finally being rescued from life in an institution. Woohoo!!

my son...

Well, friends, this is the week our paperwork should be submitted to adopt Vlad. We are hoping and praying that our dossier will be submitted officially to his country on Thursday! And then we find out when we will get to meet Vlad -- I can't even believe we are at this point. I am so excited to meet this kid and hug him for the very first time. I've been going back through the few pictures I have of him -- trying to figure out if this is even what he will look like in person. I don't really care anymore -- a picture can't tell me what I already know -- that he is my son. :)

heartbroken...

I haven't posted in a number of days. I haven't had the words to express how heartbroken I am over a little boy. Even now I don't have the words but I can't keep waiting around. He doesn't have the time. This is Alexander.

He has down syndrome, is 5 years old, and a few months ago he was transferred to a mental institution. I have seen his photo a number of times on Reece's Rainbow and always thought he had a cute smile. And that's where it ended for me. Then I saw this video of Alexander while he was still at the orphanage and my heart was broken into a million pieces. It is short. Please watch it.

That sweet face. That big smile. That beautiful spirit. I wish we could bring him home with Vlad. But at this point in the process, it just can't happen. We would have to wait till Vlad's adoption is complete. And that means Alexander would have to wait. And that just breaks my heart all over again and fills me with a level of anger that just hurts.

I hate that he is waiting.

I hate that no one has picked him to be part of a family.

I hate that I am heartbroken and yet I am so helpless to change his situation.

I hate that this feels like when my mom was dying and there was nothing I could do but watch.

I don't want to stand by and watch. I want to do something for I know deep in my heart that God loves this little boy far more than I ever could and His plan for Alexander is somehow perfect though I can't see it yet. All I can see is that he needs a family and someone to love and protect that face, that smile, that spirit.

Alexander is listed here on Reece's Rainbow. If you want more information about him or how to adopt him, PLEASE contact me. I will do anything I can to get this sweet boy a family.