we love our boys

We are BAAAACK!!!! Online that is! The last few days have been an exhausting and emotional ride for sure. Allow me to get us all on the same page.

TUESDAY

Rather uneventful, we spent the day relaxing and picked up our permission from the SDA to visit Vlad's orphanage. We packed up and headed to the overnight train. It seemed fun at first. The four of us were packed into this teeny sleeper compartment. Even Syrus was up for it. However, once the train was in motion I discovered how LOUD it is. Sleeping, at least for me, was quickly not an option. It was simply too noisy and I was too excited to meet Vlad anyway. And I have to admit, I got pretty emotional. I was laying there, trying to sleep, and I started to reflect on everything that brought me to that point. Here I was, 7 months pregnant, riding in a sleeper car across a country in eastern Europe to adopt a little boy with Down syndrome. Sounds crazy, right? Only God could match me up with a little boy named Vlad and know that I am supposed to be his mom. And I was going to meet him the next day. I looked back over my life -- how my dad was adopted, how my mom always pushed me to champion the cause of the least, how I had worked with people with Down syndrome all through college, how my life has been all over the place the last number of years with losing both my parents, a miscarriage, and our first child born with Down syndrome -- I could go on and on. And it all seemed like these key moments and facts about my life were all leading up to this moment on this train ride to meet a little boy God knew was my son.

WEDNESDAY

Needless to say, I got NO sleep on the train. We arrived in Vlad's region and were met by this beautiful ray of sunshine, our facilitator, Marina. She whisked us into a car and took us to a place to stay for the night -- she kept saying this would not be our apartment, this would just be where we would stay for tonight. When we got there, I could see why. The location was rough and the apartment, well.... I climbed 12 flights of stairs, carrying Syrus, while Josh and Nancy carried all the luggage. We quickly got changed to hurry off to the orphanage, and I kept praying that Nancy and Syrus would be able to at least relax while we were gone even though the place was not ideal.

We went to the social worker's office and Marina told us that you never knew what questions she would ask or how long the meeting would be. We went into her office and sat down. She asked how I thought I would be able to raise a child with significant needs when I already have a child with Down syndrome and I have another on the way. So, to answer, I pulled out the photobook I made for Vlad with pictures of his new family. Well, that did it. She went CRAZY for the photobook -- how professional it looked, how it took her back to her childhood because I had put a photo with a caption like "my brother" or "my dad" under each photo. She evidently did a project called "my family" in first grade. And I entitled Vlad's photobook "my family." She asked if she could KEEP IT for a few days so she could look at it again and again! So sweet. She signed off on some paperwork and that was it! Marina kept giggling in the car. She said she had never seen the social worker have that reaction before. It was definitely good.

We got to the orphanage by driving through a bleak and downtrodden residential area. As we walked in, I was impressed from the start -- the place was very clean and quite sweet with pictures of children on the walls and lots of rooms and nannies. First, we met with the orphanage doctor who gave us a rundown of Vlad's medical history since he was born. Nothing surprising or unusual. Although again I was impressed by how many tests and vaccinations he has had -- they have really taken excellent care of him. Then a knock on the door and Marina said, "the child is here." And in Vlad came. He looked a little nervous or scared because the room was tiny and there were a bunch of adults. I took his little hand and he looked up at me with these big brown eyes. He walked over and sat on my lap. It was so sweet. Josh took out a little toy truck we brought him and I rolled it up his little leg to his tummy and there it was -- a smile. He took the truck and then threw it to the ground and started to giggle. We only spent about fifteen minutes with him and Marina asked if we were ready to begin the process, meaning did we want to adopt him. Josh said yes before I could even start to say yes. It was a perfect moment. We walked him up to his group's room (all the kids are in age groups and spend their day with their group). We opened the door and a bunch of little heads peered around the corner and started crying out, "mama" and "dada." So sweet. So many faces. Vlad went running into the room and did a victory lap as though it was FINALLY his turn, his turn for a "mama" and a "dada" and came back to the door. I knelt down to say goodbye and he threw his arms around me. The first official hug. :)

Then we were off to the notary's office to sign a bunch of paperwork to officially start the process and request a court date. We were there for over two hours. I was hitting a wall. I was exhausted and the morning had been a whirlwind. When we finally got back to the apartment, Syrus and Nancy were just waking up. I had some grapes, a granola bar, and laid down for about an hour. Then, back up to go to visit Vlad again -- this time with Nancy and Syrus.

You get a real feel for Vlad's size when you see him play with Syrus. They are about the same height -- Vlad is maybe a little bit taller. But when they are sitting next to each other, Syrus just seems bigger because he is more filled out. And Syrus just seems like the older brother somehow. He kept offering his toys to Vlad and was great about sharing us with him too. He would watch Vlad and laugh. It was really sweet. I, of course, started crying like a baby. Vlad is so tiny and he is almost two years older than Syrus. And Syrus seems older than him in part because he has been loved and has a different level of confidence about him than Vlad has. It made me weep a bit for all Vlad has missed by not having parents celebrate him and love him and cherish each wonderful new thing he has done. And it was also hard to watch Syrus at times. He was totally happy and having a great time, but I got all weird and started having "mom" guilt, wondering if Syrus was feeling confused or replaced. Totally my issue. Not Syrus's at all. The sweetest thing the two of them did, was go into this little plastic house they have in the visiting room. It has a door and little windows with shutters. The two of them were inside and kept opening and closing the shutters together with their two little faces both in the same window together. Brothers. Together for the first time.

We left and I climbed the 12 flights of stairs again and I just physically hit a wall. Everything started to ache. I got in and started to sob. Partly because I was physically exhausted. Partly because I was emotionally spent from meeting Vlad. Partly because the apartment we were staying in just seemed to be a symbol of the kind of life Vlad would have if God didn't have a crazy cool plan for him and for us. It was just rough. And I was afraid. Afraid of what we were getting into by adopting Vlad. Afraid of how I was going to be a mother of three boys. Afraid of what would happen to Vlad if we weren't here to adopt him. Just afraid. And it was okay to be afraid. Because then we sat together and ate pizza in our dumpy apartment and talked it all out. And we remembered that God has this all figured out. He has from the beginning. That's been made obvious time and time again. And I was able to breathe in and out and go to sleep, remembering again who was in charge and thus able to rest.

THURSDAY

We slept in! I woke up and my amazing amazing AMAZING husband had found a place to get me a vanilla latte. Haha! Ah, the little things. We packed up and moved. Now, Marina had told us a number of times that we were only staying in that place for one night till our permanent apartment was available. I had NO IDEA what this new apartment was like. Seriously, Marina is amazing! It is a swanky urban apartment right downtown with everything we could possibly need within walking distance. It is clean and honestly feels almost TOO nice! We went from one extreme to the next. Today I have felt like we are ready for anything. Honestly, we have slept, we have eaten, we are in a beautiful apartment, AND we have a darling new son who we spent the afternoon with -- life couldn't be sweeter.

Josh and I went to visit Vlad again today. We went to his group's room and all the heads peeked out again yelling "mama" and "dada" and around the corner came Vlad. He LOVES to be held. He sat on my lap for about 45 minutes wanting to be tickled and held -- he is such a delight. Such a sweet and tender spirit about him. And he LOVES for Josh to chase him and pick him up. He just laughs and laughs. We played with him for two hours and the time flew by.

And tonight, my sweet husband made some delicious chicken stir fry dish and we all hung out and unpacked and relaxed. Well, folks, if you made it to the end of this post which I KNOW was long, then know that life is good. We love our apartment. We love this city. We love Marina. We love the orphanage. And we love our boys.

Oh, and of course, a couple of photos. More to come. :)