Especially on Christmas...

The holidays are a bit bittersweet for me. I seem to do alright in the day-to-day routine of life. But I become intensely aware of the absence of my parents on days when parents are supposed to be there, like Christmas. I am on edge all day because I know at some point I will miss them and I hate missing them. It hurts too much.

But I'll tell you what makes Christmas quite sweet -- matching Paul Frank monkey pajamas and the presence of Syrus.

I mean who doesn't love a new pair of pajamas and how cool are you when you match with the people you love the most. Who couldn't help but smile just a little.

And then there is Syrus. Syrus is like a flood of healing for me -- his presence filling the absence of my parents. Not replacing them, but pushing into my wounded heart and soothing it over and over again. This little child doesn't realize just how much he mends and heals me with his zest for life, his love for me, his joyful giggle, his boundless energy, his sense of humor, and his desire to discover all the world's secrets -- all things that grief has tried to kill in me. And that Syrus is reminding me to have each day. Especially on days like Christmas.