Sunday, May 15, 2011
the details of Vladi
It will be a month this week that my little Vladi came home forever. And we are learning so many details about him. Honestly, who he is and some of the things he does just blow me away. Things like he has dance moves that are so exuberant and fun that Josh and I just smile and laugh over and over. Or that he will come into the room and see me and put his arms out and run to me to be hugged. Or that he is always trying to help Syrus -- help him up the stairs or with his shoes or stopping Syrus from getting into some sort of mischief. Or that he loves to take a bath -- not surprising considering how much he loves to clean! Or how he is using sign language like a pro -- I only have to show him a sign a couple of times and he will use it regularly after that. He is so smart! Or how about that he cleans up after lunch by pushing in all the chairs and putting things in the trash. I mean, seriously? And he snuggles in bed with me every morning for about 30 to 45 minutes. Really?!
How did I get so outrageously blessed to have this hilarious and sensitive and helpful little treasure as my son?
Sure he still cries but it is nothing like two weeks ago. The crying has slowly begun to dissipate as he has begun to understand that he can trust and he can love. He can get kisses and give hugs. He can be comforted and snuggled. He can be celebrated and encouraged. Sure he still doesn't want to go to bed at night, but he does fall asleep so much quicker and in a bed next to ours so he can always check and see if we are there. Sure he is starting to test the boundaries, but it is because he is starting to feel a confidence that he didn't have before.
And all of this in only a month. I have learned so much about Vlad in just a month.
I can't help but stand in wonder at how blessed I am that God's crazy plan allowed ME to be this little guy's mom. But I also can't help but think about his birth mom. She really missed out on having this boy in her life every day as her son. I mean he is something else. And I want her to KNOW. To know him. To know the details of who he is. To share all the victories big and small; all the first words and steps; all the wild and crazy dance moves; all the hopes and dreams that I have for this little boy that I'm sure she must have too but doesn't get to participate in every day for forever. I want her to be a part of the daily spilling out of who this boy is. Does that sound crazy? I have this desire to share it with her -- to share Vlad with her. I just think she should know how delightful her son, my son, OUR son is.
I think I'm going to start writing her letters, a journal maybe, where I write to her and share about the details of Vlad -- not sure that she will ever see it -- maybe it is more for me because I've never understood how to negotiate the whole birth mother/adopted mother concept. Maybe it's because I watched my dad cry quietly every time someone on a talk show was reunited with a birth mother, longing to know who his own birth mother was and overwhelmed by the desire for her to know him. Maybe it's because I feel somehow guilty that I have the privilege to be the mom to this sweet, sweet boy and she doesn't.
Every day I am slowly discovering the details of Vlad and how those little quirks and smiles and moments and tears and dance moves and hugs enter into my heart and make me his mom more and more each day. And I don't want her to become less his mom as I become more his mom. I want her to take the journey too. To take it with me as two women who anticipated little Vlad's arrival into their families and loved him in a way that could not be described or articulated. Even if it is only ever a journey on paper -- letters, if you will, from one mother to another mother. Of the same boy. Hmmmm....